The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teachings in the Ways of Relationships

A renowned, respected teacher and mentor to thousands, Sobonfu Somi is one of the first and foremost voices of African spirituality to come to the West. Somi was born in Dano, Burkina Faso, a remote West African village with a population of about two hundred people. Dano has preserved the old ways of African village life, with family structures, spiritual practices, and methods of living that have been in place for more than ten thousand years. In The Spirit of Intimacy, Somi distills the ancient teachings and wisdom of her native village to give insight into the nature of intimate relationships.

Somi generously applies the subtle knowledge from her West African culture to this one. Simply and beautifully, she reveals the role of spirit in every marriage, friendship, relationship, and community. She shares ancient ways to make our intimate lives more fulfilling and secure and offers powerful insights into the "illusion of romance," divorce, and loss. Her important and fascinating lessons from the heart include the sacred meaning of pleasure, preparing a ritual space for intimacy, and the connection between sex and spirituality. Her ideas are intuitively persuasive, provocative, and healing--and supported by sound practical advice, along with specific rituals and ceremonies based on those used for thousands of years. With this book, the spiritual insights of indigenous Africa take their place alongside those of native America, ancient Europe, and Asia as important influences on Western readers.A renowned, respected teacher and mentor to thousands, Sobonfu Somi is one of the first and foremost voices of African spirituality to come to the West. Somi was born in Dano, Burkina Faso, a remote West African village with a population of about two hundred people. Dano has preserved the old ways of African village life, with family structures, spiritual practices, and methods of living that have been in place for more than ten thousand years. In The Spirit of Intimacy, Somi distills the ancient teachings and wisdom of her native village to give insight into the nature of intimate relationships.

Somi generously applies the subtle knowledge from her West African culture to this one. Simply and beautifully, she reveals the role of spirit in every marriage, friendship, relationship, and community. She shares ancient ways to make our intimate lives more fulfilling and secure and offers powerful insights into the "illusion of romance," divorce, and loss. Her important and fascinating lessons from the heart include the sacred meaning of pleasure, preparing a ritual space for intimacy, and the connection between sex and spirituality. Her ideas are intuitively persuasive, provocative, and healing--and supported by sound practical advice, along with specific rituals and ceremonies based on those used for thousands of years. With this book, the spiritual insights of indigenous Africa take their place alongside those of native America, ancient Europe, and Asia as important influences on Western readers.

Sobonfu (I met her and her husband in Michigan about 10 years ago) grew up in a Dagaara community in southern Burkina Faso (West Aftica); most of what she writes about is what they actually practice, and to good effect, in the villages there. It's all tried, tested, and true to life.

She, like her husband, is extremely smooth and articulate in her use of language, and really gets her point across . . . reading this will change your mind about a lot of things. It's golden knowledge, really.

Her explanations about how spirit works in the context of an intimate relationship, about the place of ritual in a community lifestyle, and so on, are full of heart, and very, very practical. Wiccans and other modern-day 'ritualists' will find a great deal here upon which to ruminate. It's simply put, but never simplistic; there's not a gram of cookie-cutter mentality here. The methods work because things are set up to be responsive to any kind of situation that may crop up. Not necessarily infallible, but there's not much to screw up here if you pursue things honestly and with good support people.

Towards the end there were some things that I didn't completely understand, but I imagine it's a matter of getting more experience.

All of hers and her husband's books formulate multiple structures of thought/feeling which can give the reader numerous opportunities [while reading/thinking - or even sub/unconsiously) to re-envision/reclaim all kinds of experiences that you have passed through and that have passed you by in your life. It's almost as if you can travel to any point in your past, re-insert part of yourself, and relive the moment in a better way. And that can have a wondrous and powerfully positive effect on the present. I don't understand whether this is a by-product, or if it occurs as if by design. Sobonfu would probably say it hardly matters - that it's part of the workings of spirit. And I can live with that. And as she says in closing, "People may say that you're weird, and that you're reading about weird people, but you know, perhaps it's time to celebrate being weird."


What we all need!   April 13, 2001
10 out of 11 found this review helpful

Reading this book opened my eyes to the realization that there are certain things needed for a man and woman to successfully communicate in a relationship. Though, like many, I thought I'd weathered the storm and been thoroughly prepared, I found that there were a number of things I needed to improve upon.

Having met Sobonfu, I can only say that she embodies what she's written. Reading a book has a different affect on you once you've met the author. The spirit she exemplifies is the one she writes about in the book.

My suggestion is to buy it, read it, and then tell all your friends and family to do the same. Don't do Sobonfu an injustice by borrowing or loaning this book. Give her her just rewards buy purchasing your own copy. It's worth every cent and then some.


An Important Piece   October 31, 2000
9 out of 10 found this review helpful

I fell in love with this marvelous book the moment I opened it. There are so many beautiful spiritual truths between the covers of this uniquely special book. I have passed this one on to a rare and unusual couple because spirit led me. Do yourself a favor and purchase and treasure the truths that are laid out before you.


What We Need   June 18, 1999
8 out of 11 found this review helpful

When I needed her most, Sobonfu surfaced. The majority of us are so very confused about intimacy and what it really means. This book will answer your questions.


A crucial read if you're sick of going shopping   January 18, 2005
Mia (London, UK)
8 out of 9 found this review helpful

Sometimes the words you're looking for come from the most unlikely places. Sobonfu Some's contribution is absolutely crucial if we are to find a counterbalance to our consumer culture. Singles, couples, adults and teenagers alike will find rewarding activities in this book which warm the heart more than going shopping can, and it's a gasp of fresh air. I hadn't realised the import of how we connect to other people until I read this book.