Dear Exile : The True Story of Two Friends Separated (for a Year) by an Ocean

But this book does not do that.

This book is about women (though certainly Kate's husband figures in the tale) and about the way that the women interact with each other. The letters demonstrate the real nature of friendship between women, which is not, as many in Hollywood would like to think, populated with half-naked pillow fights and hair-pulling over some man. These women do what women in real life *do* with each other: scold, tease, smother with concern, and truly share concerns. The fact that Hillary is in New York and Kate is in Africa is almost incidental next to this loving depiction of friendship. (Although the contrast certainly helps to illuminate the personalities, and it is a pretty compelling description of the situation in Africa and the role that the Peace Corp can play in that environment. I would esp. recommend this to anyone who is planning on making a life of activism or service, in the Peace Corps or elsewhere.)

It could be uninteresting to read about such a realistic friendship, however it isn't. It is a warm and funny book, obviously well crafted by the talents of both women and good editors. It is sweet, really, but not cloying, and it has an emotional impact on the reader -- makes you want to call your long lost pal and hug her over coffee.

In fact, after I am done writing this, I am going to the post office to send my copy to my best friend, who's living in Japan. It's just that kind of book.


Special Delivery   December 15, 2000
Krista (Maryland, USA)
8 out of 8 found this review helpful

In an age of cell phones and e-mail and instant access, a pair of people who write long, detailed letters and mail them (with stamps!) seems unusual. And what letters! These are no slapdash, catty-chatty constructions, but rather articulate, vivid, thoughtful epistles between two people living very different lives in the 1990s.

The letters are real; they are the products of former Yale roommates Kate Montgomery and Hilary Liftin. Kate, recently married, moves to Kenya with her husband to teach English for the Peace Corps. Her narrative of life in Africa begins with stunned delight (giraffes walk by!). Increasingly, though, her letters begin to detail the awful conditions and debasement of the people there. We learn of rampant disease (Kate seems to catch every one of them), polluted water, and unsanitary schools where students are beaten mercilessly.

Hilary, from the other side of the ocean, relates her experience as a single woman looking for love, satisfying work, and a decent apartment in New York City. Her stories are funny, poignant, sometimes heartbreaking, and just as interesting as Kate's.

The best story of all, though, is that of the friendship that sustains and enriches these two passionate women across the miles.


Dear Exile   February 23, 2000
7 out of 7 found this review helpful

I enjoyed reading the letters in this book and the opportunity it allowed me to peek into the lives of these women for one year. The daily problems of everyday life in NYC may not seem as important or difficult as the challenges of everyday life in Kenya, but they are to the person who is living them and to their best friend. I tell my own best friend everything including when I have to change a light bulb. I couldn't stop reading the book because I found it suspenseful. What was going to happen at the school in Kenya and would Kate survive her time there? What would happen with Hilary's love life or with her disturbed downstairs neighbor? I hung on to every word and looked forward to every letter as if they were written to me personally.

The end of the book left me kind of sad. There did not seem to be much hope for a better future in the village in Kenya or the school system there. Kate's optimistic anticipation for her time in the Peace Corps flattened by the reality of conditions beyond her control. Hilary surrounded by friends, the center of attention, yet so alone. I worry that now that they are no longer half a world apart and don't have to write each other letters, that time and new responsibilities will get in their way and cause them to drift apart even though they live in the same city. They profess undying friendship in their letters and I believe them, but I hope they take the time to have a leisurely chat over tea and cake every once in a while too.


Remarkable for the contrast   October 11, 2000
6 out of 6 found this review helpful

Two friends from two very different worlds correspond. The juxtaposition is striking. One letter writes of computers and getting a new apartment and dating and romance from the slick comsmopolitan world of New York City. In the next letter, you are transported to a world of poor sanitation, a place where people have very different ideas about pace of life and what's important, a place where you cannot speak against abuse and injustice due to red tape. In one letter it is the heat of an African summer, in the next, a snowy day in New York. I noticed many other reviewers are judging the quality of one against the other. I didn't judge - I enjoyed the book for it's contrast of two different worlds. I enjoyed the book as one who often feels lost and aimless in a post-graduate world. I identified with the political aspects of civil service as well as the practical aspects of single life in the US. You may find yourself drawn to Hilary's sophisticated social upwardly-mobile scene, and/or to Kate (and husband Dave's) world of reserved stranger in a strange land, her quiet perseverence trying against great odds to make the world a better place in the Peace Corps.

A couple of asides - sometimes the language seems to get a little too "precious", which is to be forgiven. Also, it feels like so much was left out, like the book could have been twice as thick as it was somehow. One last note, should this book ever become a movie (it has a rather cinematic quality to it) I think husband Dave will steal the show, even as he played a minor role in the book, he always delivers a great performance!


Ultimately disappointing   January 26, 2000
Jennifer (Ann Arbor, MI)
5 out of 9 found this review helpful

I loved the first third of this book. The language is clever and the humor made me laugh out loud. By the end, however, I felt embarrassed for Hilary. She scoffs at those who think that following "The Rules" is the best way to find real love, something she seems desperate to find. But where do her methods lead her? She sleeps with men who don't love her, engages in cybersex three hours after discovering chat rooms and admits in every letter that she is unfulfilled and unhappy. The contrast between Kate's letters and hers is vivid, and maybe that was the intent. Kate's suffering was honorable because it involved struggling against real evil. Hilary's wounds were self-inflicted. I finished the book with admiration for Kate and pity for Hilary. True love involves a genuine self-donation, totally giving of oneself for the good of another, but Hilary is so self-absorbed, I fear she is doomed to wallow in her own misery.